Building a Social Life at University

The lessons at a glance

1. Freshers' week and societies: what to expect and how to choose

The first week of university is loud, busy and full of choices. Knowing what actually happens, and having a simple plan for societies, helps you enjoy it without burning out or missing the things that matter.

• Welcome week is for getting your bearings, meeting people and doing key admin.
• Try up to three societies and commit to at least one.
• Taster sessions are usually free, so try before you pay.
• You can join societies later in the year, including at refreshers' events.
• You do not have to go to everything, and you do not need a best friend by Friday.

2. Making friends when you are shy

Many shy students assume everyone else is finding it easy. Research suggests people like you more than you think, and that friendship mostly comes down to time spent together, which is something you can plan for.

• People tend to like us more than we think, especially if we are shy.
• Friendships grow through many hours of social time, not one perfect chat.
• Repeat the same places and faces so familiarity can build.
• Move from 'classmate' to 'friend' by changing the setting with a small invitation.

3. A full social life without alcohol

Whether you do not drink for reasons of faith, health, sport or simple preference, you can have a busy, happy social life at university. This lesson is about finding and building those plans; the Alcohol, Drugs, Vaping and Gambling module covers the facts and the law.

• Not drinking is common among 18 to 24-year-olds, not unusual.
• Look for activity-based societies, faith and cultural groups, and sober socials.
• You can organise great plans yourself: film, quiz, games, food, walks.
• A short, calm 'I don't drink' is enough; you do not owe a reason.

4. Inviting people and organising plans

Waiting to be invited can mean waiting a long time, because everyone else is waiting too. Learning to make easy invitations and run simple plans is one of the fastest ways to build a social life at university.

• Do not wait to be invited: most people appreciate being asked more than you expect.
• Specific invitations with an easy way out get more yeses.
• Run group plans with two options, a deadline, a confirmation and a reminder.
• Plan with everyone in mind: food, faith, budget and timing.

5. Being a good friend when everyone is busy

By the middle of the first term, deadlines, shifts and societies fill everyone's diary. Friendships that survive this stage are usually kept alive by small, regular actions rather than big gestures.

• Close friendships take many hours, and social time counts most.
• Short check-ins and small gestures are appreciated more than you expect.
• Link friendship to routines you already have.
• Say no honestly and offer an alternative instead of disappearing.

6. Balancing social life, study and sleep

In the first term it is easy to say yes to everything, then find yourself behind on reading and short of sleep by November. A simple weekly plan protects all three: friends, study and rest.

• Write everything down: academic, domestic and social tasks together.
• Pick a few social highlights each week instead of going out every night.
• Keep regular sleep times and avoid caffeine in the 6 hours before bed (NHS).
• Quieter plans are still social; missing one event is not missing out on friendship.

7. Social media versus real life at university

Everyone else's first term can look perfect online. Knowing how to read social media, and how to use it to meet people in person, protects your mood and your social life.

• Social media shows highlights, not the full picture.
• Limit comparison, especially around appearance (APA).
• Use official groups and society pages to meet people in person.
• Post with care: consent, privacy and your digital footprint.

8. When you do not fit in: it gets better

Some students arrive and click straight away. Many do not, and quietly assume something is wrong with them. Feeling out of place in the first term is common, usually temporary, and something you can act on.

• Feeling like you do not fit in is very common in first term and usually passes.
• Your first group is often formed by chance; it is fine to find a better fit.
• Change groups kindly, without drama.
• Societies, volunteering and study groups welcome new people all year.
• If low feelings last or get worse, university counselling is usually free and self-referral is possible.

Talk about it, then try it

The real-life practice tasks from each lesson. Pick one or two a week and agree when you will check in.

1. Freshers' week and societies: what to expect and how to choose
   • Find your university's welcome or orientation week page and write down the date and place of the freshers' fair (or its equivalent).
   • Browse the Students' Union society list and shortlist three societies to try: one familiar interest, one new interest, one linked to your course.
   • Write the three questions you will ask at each stall in your phone notes.
2. Making friends when you are shy
   • For the next week, sit in roughly the same place in one regular class and introduce yourself to the person next to you.
   • Write down three go-to questions and one small invitation you can use ('Want to grab food after this?').
   • After one conversation, write down what you think the other person thought of you, then remind yourself of the liking gap.
3. A full social life without alcohol
   • Search your future Students' Union events or societies page for 'alcohol-free', 'sober' or 'board games' and note two options.
   • Write a one-line reply you are comfortable using if someone asks why you are not drinking.
   • Plan one alcohol-free social from the ideas list, with a date, place and cost per person.
4. Inviting people and organising plans
   • Send one specific, low-pressure invitation this week (what, when, where, plus an easy way out).
   • Organise a small group plan using the five steps: two dates, a poll with a deadline, confirmation, reminder, cost agreement.
   • Start a recurring plan, such as a weekly lunch after a shared lecture.
5. Being a good friend when everyone is busy
   • Send two surprise check-in messages this week to people you have not spoken to recently.
   • Choose one weekly ritual with a friend (a meal, a walk, a study-then-eat session) and put it in your calendar.
   • Add three friends' important dates (exam, birthday, interview) to your calendar with a reminder.
6. Balancing social life, study and sleep
   • Colour-code next week in your calendar: study, life and social, with fixed commitments entered first.
   • Choose a target bedtime window and keep it for seven nights, putting your phone away before bed.
   • Before saying yes to your next late plan, ask the two FOMO questions.
7. Social media versus real life at university
   • Join your university's official new students' group or a society's page and turn one online chat into an in-person plan.
   • Review who you follow and mute three accounts that make you feel worse.
   • Set a screen-time limit on one app and charge your phone away from your bed for a week.
8. When you do not fit in: it gets better
   • Write down two places you could start attending regularly from next week, and put them in your calendar.
   • Find your university's counselling or wellbeing page and save the contact details in your phone, before you need them.
   • Send one small invitation to someone you have met in a society or class.

Quiz

Name: ______________________ Date: ____________ Circle one answer for each question.

Answer key

1. A: UCAS: 'We'd recommend picking no more than three to try, and commit to at least one.'
2. B: Lancaster SU says that if you miss the freshers' fair you can message a society to ask when you can attend, and universities such as Surrey hold a Refreshers Fair in February.
3. A: BPS Research Digest on Boothby et al. (2018): people underestimate how much partners like and enjoy talking with them.
4. B: BPS Research Digest: students underestimated their suite-mates' liking at every time point except the last; the gap lasted for months.
5. B: Wonkhe: '39 per cent of 18 to 24-year-olds don't drink alcohol at all' (2024 YouGov survey for the Portman Group).
6. A: Lancaster SU: 'Sober Socials is a society that focuses on events where drinking alcohol is not the focus', open to drinkers and non-drinkers.
7. C: University of Kansas: Hall says, 'You can't make people spend time with you, but you can invite them.'
8. C: University of Kansas School of Business: across 13 experiments, people 'significantly underestimate how much others appreciate being contacted'.
9. A: University of Kansas School of Business: people underestimated appreciation even for a brief check-in text.
10. D: University of Kansas School of Business: 'the more surprising the act, the greater the appreciation.'
11. C: NHS Every Mind Matters: most healthy adults need around 7 to 9 hours of sleep a night.
12. D: NHS Every Mind Matters: avoid alcohol, tea or coffee at least 6 hours before going to bed.
13. D: UCAS: 'Most universities have moderated social media accounts for new students.'
14. C: APA health advisory: 'Adolescents should limit use of social media for social comparison, particularly around beauty- or appearance-related content.'
15. A: University of Birmingham: 'Homesickness and feelings of not fitting in are very common for students moving away for the first time.'
16. A: Mind: 'You don't need to see your GP first or have a medical diagnosis.'

General information only, written from the sources listed in each online lesson. Laws, numbers and services change, so check official sources. Life-Ready Society, https://lifereadysociety.com/social-life/