Living with flatmates

Sharing a flat at university or in your first job can be one of the best parts of growing up, or a daily source of stress. Most problems come down to three things: chores, money and noise. Agree on them early.

Set up a house agreement in week one

• Hold a short house meeting in the first week, before small irritations build up.
• Agree on the basics and write them down: cleaning, shared food, guests, quiet hours, heating or air conditioning, and how bills are paid.
• Respect different cultures, faiths and routines. For example, agree on how to label or separate halal food, and be considerate around prayer times, fasting in Ramadan or exam periods.
• Put the agreement somewhere everyone can see it, such as a shared note or the fridge, and review it after a month.

A chores rota that works

• List every shared job: kitchen surfaces and hob, washing up, bins and recycling, bathroom, floors, buying shared supplies.
• Rotate jobs weekly so nobody gets stuck with the worst one every time.
• Agree on what 'done' means (for example, 'bathroom' includes the toilet, sink, shower and floor).
• A simple rule prevents most kitchen fights: wash up your own dishes the same day.
• Use a shared calendar or app with reminders rather than relying on memory.

Money: rent and bills

• If you sign a joint tenancy in England, each of you is responsible for the whole rent, not just your share. If one flatmate stops paying, the landlord can ask the others to cover it.
• Whoever's name is on a bill is usually responsible for paying it. If all names are on it, all are responsible.
• Agree how bills are split (equally, or by room size) and use a shared spreadsheet or a bill-splitting app so everyone can see what is owed.
• Agree in writing what happens if one person wants to leave early, as Shelter suggests. In England, Shelter says a valid notice from one joint tenant ends the tenancy for everyone, so talk before anyone gives notice.
• Settle up regularly, for example on the same day each month, so debts never become awkward.

Raising a problem without a fight

• Talk early, in person, and privately, not in the group chat when you are angry.
• Use 'I' statements: 'I feel stressed when the sink is full in the morning. Could we agree to wash up before bed?' rather than 'You never clean up.'
• Stick to one issue and suggest a solution.
• Listen to their side. They may have a reason you did not know about, such as night shifts or exams.
• If talking does not work, involve a neutral person: a hall warden or residence assistant in student halls, or the landlord or agent for issues that affect the property.

Safety and respect

• Agree on locking the front door, who has keys, and never letting strangers into the building.
• Agree on guests in advance, especially overnight guests in shared spaces.
• Never prop open fire doors, and keep corridors and stairs clear.
• If you ever feel unsafe or threatened by a flatmate, speak to your university accommodation team, landlord or, in an emergency, the police.