Making friends across cultures

Some of the most valuable friendships at university are with people from completely different backgrounds. Building them takes small, repeated steps and an open mind about how other cultures show friendship.

Show up, again and again

• SKEMA Business School's guide says the core method is to show up where people already gather, make the first move and come back regularly. Repeated contact matters more than one great evening.
• Welcome week is the easiest time, because almost everyone is new and introducing yourself is normal.
• Follow up quickly with a small, specific plan within a day or two. SKEMA notes that three short, casual meetups do more than one ambitious outing.
• A Birmingham international student describes attending lectures as the most reliable way to make friends, because classmates share your interests.

Use the structures universities provide

• Many universities pair new international students with a current student. SKEMA calls these buddy programmes and advises signing up early; Birmingham runs a Global Buddies scheme.
• Join one or two clubs and commit for a full term. SKEMA calls joining a club the single most effective move on any campus.
• Try language exchanges or free language classes. They give both people a reason to meet again.
• International cafes or socials, like Birmingham's Global Cafe, are designed for meeting students from many countries.

Understanding different friendship styles

• SKEMA notes that norms differ on invitations, punctuality, humour and how long it takes to become close: in some cultures people are warm immediately but slow to commit, and in others the reverse.
• If someone seems distant, treat it as unfamiliarity, not rejection. Give it time and try again.
• Humour and directness vary. If you are not sure whether someone was joking, ask kindly rather than taking offence.
• Learn local invitation phrases. In the UK, Lancaster University's student guide notes that 'fancy a cuppa?' is an offer of a cup of tea, often a friendly invitation to chat.
• Be clear about your own needs, such as prayer times or not drinking, in a relaxed way. Most people respect what is explained simply.

Balance your circle

• Your home-country or regional society can be a comfort. The Birmingham student found his home-country society helped him warm up to people.
• Also make friends beyond it. SKEMA suggests balancing international and local friends: international peers understand your experience, and local friends help with language and belonging.
• Invite people from different groups to the same plan, such as a shared meal from your home cuisine.
• The Relationships module lesson on making friends in a new place covers loneliness and confidence; this lesson focuses on the cultural side.

Conversation starters that work anywhere

• 'Where are you from, and what is something people get wrong about it?'
• 'What food do you miss most from home?'
• 'What surprised you most when you arrived here?'
• 'Do you want to try the new place near campus after class on Thursday?'