Play, routines and calm behaviour with younger children

Younger children copy what they see. When you are calm, clear and playful, they usually follow your lead. These are the same tools parenting experts recommend to parents.

Give directions that children can follow

• The CDC advises being specific: say 'Please walk instead of running in the house' rather than 'Stop it'.
• Tell children what to do, not just what to stop. 'Feet on the floor' works better than 'Don't climb'.
• Get their attention first: get close, use their name, make eye contact and get down to their level (CDC).
• Give one direction at a time, and use a statement, not a question. 'Shoes on, please' works better than 'Do you want to put your shoes on?' (CDC).
• Offer two acceptable choices to build independence: 'Red cup or blue cup?' (CDC).

Play that builds connection

• The CDC recommends a short daily slot of child-led play: start with at least 5 minutes and build towards 15.
• Let the child lead. Copy what they do and describe it out loud: 'You're building a tall tower with the blue blocks.'
• Praise specific behaviour, for example 'You shared the crayons so kindly' (CDC).
• During this play, avoid questions, instructions and criticism, which take control back from the child (CDC).
• Choose simple, creative toys such as blocks, crayons and paper rather than toys that play by themselves (CDC).

Routines make everything easier

• UNICEF suggests building simple, predictable routines with children, such as a study schedule with breaks.
• When babysitting, follow the family's routine for meals, baths and bedtime as closely as you can. Children feel safe when things happen in the expected order.
• Give a warning before a change: 'Five more minutes of play, then bath time.' The CDC suggests giving a brief explanation before a direction.
• UNICEF recommends keeping mealtimes and outings screen-free where possible.

When behaviour goes off track

• UNICEF advises redirecting: steer a struggling child towards another activity, like a game or a walk, before frustration builds.
• Use calm consequences: warn what will happen if the behaviour continues, follow through calmly, and praise the child when they stop (UNICEF).
• The CDC suggests ignoring minor misbehaviour such as whining during play, but stepping in immediately for anything dangerous.
• Keep your tone calm and firm. Avoid yelling, pleading or repeating yourself over and over (CDC).
• Never hit, shake or frighten a child. If you feel your temper rising, make sure they are safe, take a few slow breaths and call a parent if you need help. UNICEF suggests a pause and slow breaths before responding.

Praise that works, at any age

• The CDC's advice for teenagers applies to younger children too: be specific about what you appreciated.
• Praise effort, not just results: 'You kept trying with that puzzle' (UNICEF and CDC).
• Notice kindness and teamwork, not only achievements (UNICEF).
• A smile or high five can back up your words, but only if the child is comfortable with it (CDC).