Asking for help and favours

Many students struggle alone rather than ask a lecturer, a flatmate or an office for help. Research suggests people are more willing to help than we expect, and asking well makes it easy for them to say yes.

Why asking feels hard, and why it is worth it

• A series of studies by Flynn and Lake (2008) found people underestimated how likely others were to agree to a direct request for help, by as much as half.
• The same research suggests help seekers focus on the cost of saying yes, while forgetting that saying no also feels awkward for the other person.
• Asking early usually costs everyone less than asking at the last minute, for example before an assignment deadline rather than the night before.
• Universities have whole teams (academic skills, wellbeing, accommodation, international student support) whose job is to help; using them is expected, not a weakness.

Do your homework first

• Check the obvious places first: handbook, FAQ, website or learning platform; the University of Melbourne advises this before emailing staff.
• Be ready to say what you have already tried; it shows respect for the other person's time.
• Work out exactly what you need: an explanation, a contact, a signature, a lift, ten minutes of their time.
• Choose the right person and a good moment, for example office hours rather than a corridor just before a lecture.

How to ask clearly

• Be direct and specific: 'Could you look over the first paragraph of my cover letter by Friday?' is easier to agree to than 'Can you help me with my job stuff?'
• Give a reason and context briefly: 'I am applying for a summer internship and want to check my tone.'
• Make it easy: suggest a time, keep it short, send the document in advance.
• Give them an easy way out: 'No problem at all if you are too busy this week.'
• For important things in person, you can bring someone with you for support; the NHS suggests this for medical appointments.

Favours between friends and flatmates

• Keep favours fair and two-way; offer something back, such as cooking a meal or helping them move.
• Be careful with favours involving money, keys or documents; see the Money Basics module about lending money.
• If you borrow something, return it on time and in the same condition.
• If someone says no, accept it graciously; it keeps the relationship healthy.

Saying thank you and following up

• Thank people promptly, ideally the same day, and say specifically what helped.
• Tell them the outcome later: 'You will be glad to know I got the internship.' People like knowing their help mattered.
• Keep a list of who has helped you; it reminds you to return the favour.