Discretion: money, privacy and the art of not showing off

Discretion is the quiet habit of not broadcasting: not your money, not other people's business, not every moment of your life. It protects your privacy and safety, keeps friendships free of envy, and makes people trust you with things that matter.

Talking about money

• The British etiquette writer William Hanson says money is still off-limits "most of the time" in traditional British etiquette and that "one's remuneration is very private".
• Norms are shifting. Lizzie Post of the Emily Post Institute told AARP that salary is "no longer a taboo subject for many people", but stressed that not everyone is comfortable discussing it.
• If you genuinely need to talk money (for example comparing part-time pay rates), Daniel Post Senning of the Emily Post Institute suggests asking openly, for example "Would you be open to talking about salary with me?", and taking the lead by sharing your own information first.
• Never ask what something cost, what a friend's parents earn or how big their house is. Do not volunteer prices of gifts, holidays or clothes.
• If someone asks you, you can decline kindly. Lizzie Post's example: "I have to be honest, I'm not comfortable sharing what I make." Then change the subject or ask why they want to know.

Why showing off backfires

• Showing off rarely earns the admiration it is meant to. More often it invites comparison and envy, and it can leave friends feeling judged.
• A humblebrag, a boast dressed up as a complaint (for example moaning about jet lag in order to mention a holiday), is usually easy to spot and tends to come across as insincere.
• The understated alternative is simple: share good news plainly with people who care, and let other achievements be discovered rather than announced.
• When someone compliments you, say "Thank you" and, where true, credit the people who helped.

Privacy and restraint online

• ESET's safety guidance warns that "checking in" or tagging a location shows people exactly where you are at that moment. A simple habit: post after you have left, not while you are there.
• ESET notes that a photo from a recognisable place can give away where you live or study, and that images and videos can carry hidden location data. It advises keeping location (GPS) off, both on the device and within each app, unless you need it.
• Check the privacy settings on every platform, since some apps share profiles and posts publicly by default, and limit posts to people you actually know.
• In the UAE, Khaleej Times reports that the cybercrime law criminalises photographing people without permission, in public or private, and sharing such images. Always ask before you photograph or post anyone, including friends.
• A useful test before posting: would you be comfortable if a university admissions tutor, an employer and your grandmother all saw it?
• You do not have to post what you own, what you ate or where you flew. A life does not need an audience to be good.

Handling envy, yours and other people's

• Greater Good Science Center's Juliana Breines suggests first acknowledging envy honestly, including physical signs such as a faster heartbeat or clenched muscles.
• Replace envy with compassion: Breines suggests seeing the whole person, including their struggles and sorrows, since lives that look perfect often hide real hardship. Social media highlight reels make this especially easy to forget.
• Use envy as information where you can act on it. If a friend's discipline impresses you, copy the habit; if the envy is about something you cannot change, such as family circumstances, let it go and count what you have.
• When others envy you, do not apologise for what you have, but do not rub it in. Turn the conversation to them and celebrate their wins sincerely.
• Keep confidences. If a friend tells you something private, it stays with you unless someone is in danger.