Manipulation and coercive pressure: recognising control and getting out

Not all danger looks dangerous. Sometimes it looks like a new friend who is unusually generous, a group that makes you feel special, or an online contact who seems to understand you better than anyone. This lesson is about noticing when friendliness turns into control, and how to step away.

What coercive control looks like

• Australia's eSafety Commissioner describes coercive control as a pattern of behaviour, not a single act, designed to manipulate, intimidate and control another person.
• Common tactics include isolation (pulling you away from friends and family), digital monitoring (tracking your location, checking your messages and demanding constant contact), intimidation, constant criticism and micromanaging (eSafety).
• It often starts with 'love bombing': intense attention, compliments and gifts that make the later pressure harder to see (eSafety).
• It can come from a friend, a peer group, an online contact, an older 'mentor' or an organised group. This lesson focuses on those non-romantic situations.
• The Relationships module (rl-05) covers unhealthy friendships and bullying; this lesson goes further, into deliberate exploitation.

Exploitation: when someone wants you to do something for them

• The NSPCC describes criminal exploitation as abuse where young people are manipulated and coerced into committing crimes.
• Exploiters use rewards, friendship, threats and coercion. Young people may be drawn in by wanting to fit in, to feel respected and important, to be protected, or by promises of money (NSPCC).
• Warning signs the NSPCC lists include relationships with someone older, unexplained money or new possessions, secrecy about online activity or a new phone, and going missing or unexplained travel.
• The NSPCC notes that people who are exploited are sometimes not seen as victims, even though they have been harmed. If this is happening to you, you are not the one to blame.
• Money muling, where someone asks to pass money through your account, is a common version aimed at students; the Scams module (sc-05) covers it.

High-control groups and extremist pressure

• Deakin University warns students about high-control groups that use pressure, secrecy or manipulation to recruit, often presented as friendship, mentoring, study help or spiritual conversation.
• Deakin is clear that not all religious, spiritual or community groups are unsafe; the difference is behaviour, not belief.
• Its warning signs: asking very personal questions early on, pushing frequent or one-to-one meetings, discouraging contact with family and friends, being vague about the group's name, leaders or purpose, claiming special or exclusive knowledge, and using guilt or fear when you miss activities or set boundaries.
• Educate Against Hate describes radicalisation as the process by which a person comes to support terrorism and extremist ideologies. Signs include refusing to listen to different points of view, becoming abusive to people who are different, embracing conspiracy theories and being secretive about where they go.
• Faith, strong beliefs and close communities are good things. Pressure, secrecy and guilt are the red flags.

How to say no and step away

• Deakin's advice: you can end a conversation, you do not have to share contact details or your story, you do not have to attend meetings you did not choose, and you do not have to keep secrets that make you uncomfortable.
• Step away gradually if a sudden break feels unsafe, but do not keep it secret: tell one trusted adult what is happening.
• Keep evidence of threats or pressure, such as screenshots and messages, before you block anyone.
• Reconnect with the people the group or person discouraged you from seeing. eSafety notes that isolation often builds gradually, cutting you off from the people who could support you.
• Deakin reminds students that feeling drawn in does not mean you have done anything wrong.

Where to get help

• In immediate danger, call 999 in the UAE or the UK.
• UAE: the Ministry of Interior hotline 116111 and the Hemayati app accept reports of child abuse; the Ministry of Education line 80051115 is for issues affecting students' learning (UAE Government portal).
• UK: Childline offers free, confidential support for under-18s on 0800 1111 (NSPCC). For concerns about radicalisation, Educate Against Hate points to ACT Early (actearly.uk).
• At university: student counselling, chaplaincy (which supports students of all faiths and none), the students' union advice service and campus security can all help (Deakin University).
• Helping a friend: listen without blame, avoid ultimatums, ask open questions and stay consistent (eSafety).