Boundaries, saying no and trusting your instincts

Being able to say no clearly, and to hear no from others, is one of the most protective skills you can have. It keeps you in charge of your own choices.

What a boundary is

• A boundary is a line you set about what you are and are not comfortable with: your body, your belongings, your time, your phone and your personal information.
• Boundaries are not rude. They tell people how to treat you well, and good friends respect them.
• Childline is clear that nobody has the right to pressure you or make you feel like you have to do something.
• Your boundaries can be different from your friends' boundaries, and they can change over time.

Assertive communication

• Assertive means clear, calm and respectful. It sits between passive (going along with things) and aggressive (attacking the other person).
• Use 'I' statements to describe your own feelings and decisions, for example: 'I'm not comfortable with that' or 'I'm going to head home now'.
• Use the 'broken record' technique: once you have made a clear statement, repeat it calmly until it is accepted, for example: 'No, I don't want to.'
• Your body language and voice matter as much as your words. Stand tall, keep a steady voice and use a moderate amount of eye contact.
• You do not need to explain or justify a no. Childline reminds young people that they don't need to explain themselves.

Handling peer pressure

• Practise saying 'no' in advance so it is easier when someone asks. Rehearsing in your head or with a friend really does help (Childline).
• Suggest an alternative: 'Not that, but let's go and get food instead.'
• Have a simple exit line ready, such as 'I need to be home soon.' Some families agree a code word that means 'please call me and tell me I have to come home'.
• Avoid situations that make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable in the first place.
• If someone is really your friend, they should accept your decision (Childline). Repeated pressure after a clear no is a red flag about that friendship.

Consent in everyday life

• Consent means you understand and agree to something without being pressured or feeling scared (Childline).
• It applies to everyday things too: being hugged, having your photo taken or posted, someone using your phone, or sharing your location.
• You can change your mind at any time, even if you said yes earlier.
• It works both ways. If someone says no, is not interested or does not feel ready, stop and accept how they feel.
• Ask before you post photos of friends or tag them. Their privacy matters as much as yours.

When a boundary is crossed

• If someone ignores your boundary, it is not your fault. Move away from the situation and go to people you trust.
• Tell a trusted adult: a parent, relative, teacher or school counsellor. You will not be in trouble for asking for help.
• If you are in danger right now in the UAE, call 999.
• Write down what happened and when, while it is fresh. It can help if you later decide to report it.