Disagreeing Well and Changing Your Mind

You will meet people with very different views at university, at work and online, especially in a country as diverse as the UAE. Disagreeing respectfully, and being willing to change your mind when the evidence is strong, are signs of a confident thinker.

Intellectual humility

• The Greater Good Science Center describes intellectual humility as an "appropriate awareness of our intellectual limitations": recognising that your beliefs might be wrong, and holding them as firmly as the evidence allows.
• Scientific American describes it as being "the right size": neither arrogant nor self-deprecating, but open-minded, curious, realistic and teachable.
• It does not mean having no opinions, being "wishy-washy" or always agreeing (Scientific American).
• Research summarised by Greater Good links it to learning more, being more willing to look at opposing reasons, being more likely to fact-check false headlines, and viewing people who disagree more favourably.

The HEAR method for tough conversations

• Harvard researcher Julia Minson's HEAR framework helps people feel heard during disagreements.
• H: Hedge your claims. Soften certainty, for example "I think" or "in most cases", which signals you know others may see it differently.
• E: Emphasise agreement. Find shared values or goals first, such as "We both want what is fair for the team".
• A: Acknowledge the other view. Briefly restate their position: "So you're saying that..."
• R: Reframe to the positive. Avoid words like "no", "won't" and "don't" where you can, and say what you are for.
• In Minson's studies, people given brief training (in one study, a couple of minutes) were seen as more trustworthy and reasonable, and in an earlier study as more persuasive.

Steelman, do not straw man

• Before you argue against a view, try to state the strongest version of it, the one a thoughtful person would actually hold. Scientific American gives considering the merits of an alternative viewpoint as an example of intellectual humility.
• Ask questions to understand, not to trap: "What makes you see it that way?" or "What would change your mind?"
• Ask yourself the same question. Psychologist Mark Leary suggests pausing when you feel certain and asking, "Could I be wrong?" (Greater Good).
• Separate the idea from the person. You can disagree firmly with a view while being warm towards the person holding it.

Changing your mind gracefully

• Set a high bar for evidence, and then actually update your view when that bar is met (Scientific American).
• Phrases that help: "That's a good point, I hadn't thought of that", "I've changed my mind on this", "You've convinced me on part of it".
• Changing your mind on a fact is not losing. It means you now know something you did not know before.
• Respond to criticism without defensiveness: listen, ask what they mean, then decide calmly whether it is right.

Knowing when to step away

• Not every disagreement needs to be won or finished. If someone is insulting you or only wants an audience, it is fine to end the conversation politely.
• Online arguments in public comment sections rarely change minds. A private, calm message or a face-to-face chat usually works better.
• On topics such as religion, politics and culture, show respect for other people's beliefs and follow the laws and norms of the country you are in.
• Agreeing to disagree is a valid ending: "I see it differently, but I understand your view better now. Thanks for explaining."