Finding your community

Friendships rarely appear by themselves when you live alone: you have to put yourself in places where the same people meet regularly. Societies, sport, faith communities and volunteering are the most reliable routes.

Why regular contact is the secret

• Research by Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas estimated it takes about 50 hours together to go from acquaintance to casual friend, about 90 hours to become a friend, and more than 200 hours for a close friend.
• Time spent socialising (chatting, joking, playing games) counted most; time working together counted less.
• This explains why one-off events rarely create friendships, while a weekly club, team or volunteering shift often does. Choose things that repeat.
• The Relationships module covers making friends in a new place; this lesson focuses on where to find a community when you live alone.

Societies and clubs

• Most universities have a students' union with dozens of societies. The University of Dundee, for example, points students to its students' association for societies and its Sports Union for sports clubs.
• Pick two or three: one linked to your course or career, one purely for fun, and one cultural or national society if you want a taste of home.
• Go at least three times before deciding. The first session is always the most awkward.
• Offer to help: committee roles, setting up events or running the social media account give you a reason to talk to people.

Faith communities

• Many universities have a chaplaincy for students of all faiths and none. The University of Birmingham's Multifaith Chaplaincy, for example, has Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu and Buddhist chaplains, prayer rooms, and a lounge with a kitchen.
• Student faith societies (for example Islamic, Christian, Hindu, Jewish, Sikh and Buddhist societies at Birmingham) are a big part of social life for many students.
• Chaplains also offer pastoral support, which you can use whether or not you are religious.
• Off campus, a local mosque, church, temple or community centre can connect you with families and people of different ages. See Keeping Your Faith and Values Away From Home.

Volunteering and sport

• WHO lists volunteering and joining a local group among the individual steps that build social connection. The NHS 5 steps also recommend giving to others.
• Choose regular volunteering, such as a weekly shift at a food bank, charity shop, animal shelter or beach clean-up, so you see the same people. In the UAE, use official volunteering platforms (see Purpose, Reflection and Service).
• Sport combines two wellbeing steps at once: being active and connecting. Recreational teams, running clubs and gym classes welcome beginners.
• Curtin University also suggests free community events and community sport as ways to get involved locally.

Taking the first step

• Mind suggests starting with brief conversations in your daily routine, such as greeting a shop cashier or a neighbour, and going slowly in settings where you feel safe.
• A simple opener at a club: 'Hi, is this your first time too? I am new, I study engineering.' Then ask a question about them.
• NHS Every Mind Matters suggests welcoming and including others when you join a group. Being the person who says hello to newcomers builds your own network.
• Follow up within a week: 'It was good meeting you at the climbing session. Are you going on Thursday?'