Enjoying your own company and going places alone

Eating in a café, watching a film or visiting a museum alone can feel awkward at first. Research suggests you will probably enjoy it more than you expect, and being comfortable in your own company is a skill that makes every other part of independent life easier.

Why going alone feels harder than it is

• Research by Rebecca Ratner (University of Maryland) and Rebecca Hamilton (Georgetown), published in the Journal of Consumer Research, found that people underestimate how much they will enjoy activities alone.
• In one experiment, people who visited an art gallery alone enjoyed it about as much as those who went with others, even though they had expected to enjoy it much less.
• Ratner suggests a key reason people avoid going alone is fear of being judged, and a tendency to equate 'alone' with 'lonely'.
• The 'spotlight effect', described by Thomas Gilovich and colleagues in 2000, is our tendency to overestimate how much other people notice us. Most diners are thinking about their own food and conversations, not you.

Start easy, then stretch

• Level 1: places where being alone is normal, such as a café with a book, a library, a gym, a walk in a park or on the Corniche.
• Level 2: a museum or gallery, a weekday afternoon cinema showing, a market, or a free public lecture.
• Level 3: a sit-down meal in a restaurant, a concert, or a day trip to a nearby town.
• Ratner's research notes people often pick less exposed settings when alone, like a quiet matinee. That is a fine way to start; move up a level once it feels comfortable.

Practical tips for solo outings

• Bring something light to do, such as a book, sketchbook or journal, but try spending at least part of the time just noticing your surroundings.
• In a restaurant, ask for a table politely and confidently: 'Table for one, please.' Staff serve solo diners every day.
• Choose a time that suits you: a quieter weekday lunch can feel easier than a busy Friday night.
• Tell someone where you are going and when you expect to be back, and follow the Personal Safety module's advice on getting home safely.

Hobbies that work well alone

• Creative hobbies: drawing, photography, writing, calligraphy, playing an instrument, or cooking a new dish each week.
• Learning: the NHS 5 steps to mental wellbeing suggest learning new skills, such as a language, a practical skill or a challenging hobby, to boost confidence and purpose. No exams needed.
• Movement: walking, running, swimming or cycling (see Staying Active on Your Own). Mind suggests group walks if you want company later.
• The Mental Health Foundation suggests doing enjoyable things that keep you busy and stimulating your mind, for example with audio shows or a new course. Mind suggests a podcast or the radio for company.
• Many solo hobbies have a group version (a book club, a running club, a photography society), which is a natural bridge to making friends.

Being good company for yourself

• Notice your self-talk. If your inner voice says 'everyone thinks I am a loser for being here alone', answer it as you would a friend: 'I am here because I wanted to see this.'
• The NHS 5 steps include paying attention to the present moment. On a solo outing, try noticing five things you can see and three things you can hear.
• Treat yourself with the same effort you would make for a guest: cook a proper meal, lay the table, put on music you like.