Inviting people and organising plans

Waiting to be invited can mean waiting a long time, because everyone else is waiting too. Learning to make easy invitations and run simple plans is one of the fastest ways to build a social life at university.

Why you should be the one who invites

• Jeffrey Hall of the University of Kansas, who studies friendship, puts it simply: 'You can't make people spend time with you, but you can invite them.'
• A 2022 set of 13 experiments with nearly 6,000 participants (Min, Liu, Rim and Min) found that people significantly underestimate how much others appreciate being contacted.
• Most people are relieved when someone else takes the first step, especially in the first term when everyone is new.
• Being the organiser also means you get to choose plans that suit you: alcohol-free, affordable, or at a time that works around prayer, study or work.

The low-pressure invitation

• Be specific: say what, when and where. 'Film night in our kitchen, Thursday at 8, bring a snack' beats 'We should do something.'
• Give an easy way out: 'No worries if you're busy, there'll be another one.' People say yes more readily when they do not feel trapped.
• Invite in person or by direct message first, then add people to a group chat once a few have said yes.
• Keep the first plan short (an hour or two) and cheap, so it is easy to say yes.
• Example message: 'Hi Omar, a few of us from the seminar are getting lunch after the 12 o'clock lecture on Wednesday. Want to join?'

Running a group plan, step by step

• Step 1: Pick the activity and two possible dates. Too many choices stalls a group chat.
• Step 2: Post a simple poll with the two dates and a deadline to reply ('Vote by Monday evening').
• Step 3: Confirm the plan with the time, exact meeting point and expected cost per person.
• Step 4: Send a reminder the day before and ask people to say if they can no longer come.
• Step 5: If there are shared costs, agree how to split them before you spend; the Student Money Survival module covers splitting bills and lending money.

Cheap and easy plan ideas

• Winchester Student Union suggests film nights with shared snacks, quizzes, coffee mornings, games nights, a group bake off, walks or hikes with a picnic, and cafe crawls to local independent cafes.
• Pub and Students' Union quizzes can be done with soft drinks or mocktails, and Winchester SU notes that most pub quizzes, and its own SU quiz, offer a cash prize.
• Study-then-eat sessions combine work and friendship: two hours in the library, then dinner together. Hall's research suggests the social part is what builds friendship most.
• Recurring plans are easiest: 'Sunday brunch at 11' every week means nobody has to organise from scratch.

Making everyone feel welcome

• York Students' Union advises putting on a range of events so there is something for everyone.
• Ask about food needs when you invite: halal, vegetarian, allergies. The Cooking for Others and Hosting module explains how to plan for them.
• Check timing against prayer times, fasting in Ramadan, part-time work shifts and exam weeks.
• Choose places that are easy to reach and affordable, and say the likely cost upfront so nobody is embarrassed.

When people say no or cancel

• A 'no' is usually about timing, money or tiredness, not about you. Reply warmly: 'No problem, I'll let you know about the next one.'
• If only two people come, enjoy it: small groups often lead to closer conversations.
• If someone cancels repeatedly, keep inviting occasionally but put your energy into the people who show up.
• Do not keep a scorecard. Organising is a gift to your community, and the people who come will remember who brought them together.