When you do not fit in: it gets better

Some students arrive and click straight away. Many do not, and quietly assume something is wrong with them. Feeling out of place in the first term is common, usually temporary, and something you can act on.

You are not the only one

• The University of Birmingham says homesickness and feelings of not fitting in are very common for students moving away for the first time.
• Birmingham adds that every new student is nervous and trying to fit in, even if they appear confident.
• The University of Lancashire reassures students that they will not be the only one feeling anxious or homesick.
• UCAS notes that feeling lonely, sad and homesick are common for new students, and that over time most become more settled and those feelings pass.
• International students and those from the GCC may also be adjusting to a new culture; the Living in a New Country module covers culture shock.

Your first group is often not your final group

• Birmingham points out that very few people meet their best friends in the first few days.
• Early groups often form by chance (who was on your corridor or in your welcome week team), not by shared values or interests.
• Jeffrey Hall's research suggests real friendship takes many hours to build, so it is normal for it to take weeks or months.
• UCAS student advice: if you do not click with people straight away, give it time.

Changing groups kindly

• You do not need a dramatic exit. Stay friendly and polite with your first group while gradually spending more time with people you connect with.
• Keep shared spaces pleasant: say hello, keep to the flat's agreements, join the occasional flat dinner.
• If someone asks why you are around less, a simple answer works: 'I've been spending more time at my society, but I'd love to catch up soon.'
• If you feel pressured to do things against your values to stay in a group, that group is not the right fit; the Friendships module's lessons on peer pressure and unhealthy friendships can help.

Where to find your people later in the year

• Societies accept new members throughout the year, and many universities hold a refreshers' fair in the second term (Surrey's is in February).
• Birmingham suggests societies, volunteering and part-time work as ways to get involved, including for students who live at home and commute.
• Faith, cultural and international student societies can offer a sense of home; the Keeping Your Faith and Values Away From Home module explains how to find them.
• Course-based study groups and peer mentoring schemes connect you with people who share your timetable.
• Try something completely new: people you meet through a fresh interest often become friends in second year.

When it is more than fitting in

• If you feel low most days for two weeks or more, stop going to lectures, or stop eating or sleeping properly, it is time to talk to someone.
• Mind explains that university counselling services are usually free and that you can usually refer yourself without seeing a GP or having a diagnosis.
• Your Students' Union may have a welfare officer or advice service, and your personal tutor can help arrange academic support.
• In the UK, Samaritans is available 24 hours a day on 116 123. Student Minds' Student Space offers support by phone, text, email and webchat.
• In the UAE or elsewhere, contact your university's counselling or wellbeing service; the Mental Health module lists where to get help, and in an emergency call the local emergency number.

A four-week reset plan

• Week 1: Choose two new places to show up every week (a society, a volunteering slot, a study group).
• Week 2: Have one conversation at each place and remember one name.
• Week 3: Invite one person for coffee or lunch after a session.
• Week 4: Review: who do you feel most like yourself with? Spend more time there, and book a chat with wellbeing services if you still feel very low.