What leaving home really feels like

Leaving home for university or work is often described as exciting, and it is. It is also a loss of routines, people and places all at once, so most people feel a mix of emotions that can change from hour to hour. Knowing what is normal makes it much easier to ride out.

Mixed feelings are the normal state

• Mind describes student life as something that can be enjoyable and interesting but also challenging. Both are true at the same time.
• The University of Bradford counselling service says it is normal to feel both excitement and anxiety about a new place, new friends and a new course, especially if you are studying in a second language.
• Student Minds puts it simply: starting university can be exciting, but it might also be daunting.
• Bangor University's counselling service reminds students that you can feel sad and still enjoy yourself. Enjoying your new life is not disloyal to the people back home.
• Feeling flat on a day you expected to be amazing is common too. Bangor lists the anti-climax of finally arriving as one of the things that can make people feel low.

Why this transition is so big

• Bradford explains that leaving familiar people and places removes the sense of security that normally helps us take on change, and losing that support can knock confidence and self-esteem for a while.
• The University of Liverpool notes that new students are suddenly expected to be self-sufficient: eating well, doing your own laundry, getting to class on time, managing coursework and building a social life, all at once.
• If family members or household helpers did much of the cooking, cleaning and driving at home, this jump can feel even bigger. That is not a weakness; it is simply more new skills to learn at the same time. The Kitchen Skills and Running a Home modules can help you practise before you go.
• Bangor lists other things that can make the move harder: distance from home, whether you made the decision to go yourself, doubts about your course, expectations not being met, worry about family at home and having little control over your surroundings.
• Mind notes that leaving home and having less time with friends and family means your usual support network is further away, which is why building a new one matters.

The feelings come in waves, not a straight line

• Deakin University says homesickness may start a few days after arriving, or not until a few weeks later.
• The University of Dundee says some students feel at home by the end of Welcome Week, while others do not properly settle until the end of a semester.
• Bangor notes that homesickness can appear later, for example after the winter break or on returning for second year, and Bradford that you may feel fine at first and become homesick later in the year.
• UKCISA describes culture shock as a series of stages that people move through at different speeds, sometimes more than once. A good week followed by a hard week is normal.
• Treat each wave as information about what you need (sleep, company, food from home, a call), not as proof that you made a mistake.

Name it to manage it

• Try to name the feeling precisely: is it sadness, loneliness, worry, guilt, boredom or tiredness? Each one needs a different response.
• Deakin suggests keeping a journal about your new experience. Two or three lines a night is enough to notice patterns, for example that you feel worst on Sunday evenings.
• Deakin also suggests talking to someone you trust who has moved away from home before. Ask them what their first month was really like.
• UKCISA notes that tiredness after travel can make small problems feel much bigger, so in your first days, sleep before you judge how things are going.
• Liverpool advises against making major decisions, such as leaving your course, while you are still settling in. Talk to people first.

What usually happens next

• Bangor's counselling service says these feelings usually fade: 'They almost always do.'
• UKCISA describes the later stages of adjustment as feeling relaxed and confident, and eventually trusting yourself and making choices based on your own preferences.
• If feelings do not ease, or start to affect sleep, eating, study or friendships for weeks, that is the moment to use support. Lesson 8 of this module shows you how.