Living with someone who is struggling

When you share a home, you are often the first to notice that someone is not OK. You do not need to be an expert to help, but you do need to know your limits and where to turn. If you are worried about someone's safety right now, go straight to the last section of this lesson.

Signs a flatmate may be struggling

• Samaritans lists signs such as restlessness, anger, tearfulness or low energy; withdrawing from people or not replying to messages; changes in sleeping or eating; and using alcohol or drugs to cope.
• Samaritans also lists talking about feeling hopeless, helpless or worthless, or feeling trapped, as a sign to take seriously.
• In a shared flat you might notice someone staying in their room for days, missing lectures, not eating, or their space becoming very neglected.
• Samaritans notes that people cope in their own way and not everyone will show several signs. Trust your sense that something has changed.

Starting a conversation

• You do not need to be an expert to help. Mind says it is fine not to know what to say or do at first.
• Student Minds suggests a relaxed setting, such as going for a walk or inviting them for a meal, and making sure you have enough time to chat.
• Try: 'I've noticed you've not been yourself lately. I'm not trying to pry, but I'm here if you want to talk.'
• If they do not want to talk, Mind advises not pressuring them: let them know you are available and let them come to you.
• Mind adds that you do not need to fix their problems; being there and listening matters.

Practical help in a shared home

• Small, concrete offers help most: 'I'm making soup, shall I leave you a bowl?', 'Want to walk to the shop with me?'
• Student Minds suggests encouraging your friend to handle everyday problems themselves where they can, which can build their confidence to cope.
• Point them towards support. Mind says most colleges and universities have a free counselling service and that you can usually self-refer without seeing a GP first.
• Offer to help them find the wellbeing page, book an appointment or walk with them to the student services building.

Your limits and looking after yourself

• Mind reminds young people that 'there's only so much you can do' and you cannot take responsibility for someone's wellbeing alone.
• Student Minds says you are not supposed to help with everything, and suggests keeping up your own interests and finding your own support with someone outside the situation who will not treat it as gossip.
• Keep their confidence for everyday worries, but Mind is clear that you do not have to keep a secret if you think they or someone else could be in danger. It is important to do the safest thing and tell a trusted adult, and, if you can, let them know you are going to.
• At university, a trusted adult could be your residence assistant, hall warden, personal tutor or the wellbeing team.
• If supporting someone is affecting your sleep, studies or mood, that is a sign to get support for yourself too. See the Mental Health module.

If someone may be in danger

• Samaritans says that if you think someone is in immediate danger, the quickest way to get help is to call an ambulance on 999 (UK). Mind also says you can go straight to A&E.
• In the UAE, call 998 for an ambulance or 999 for the police (u.ae).
• Do not leave someone alone if you believe they are in immediate danger; tell hall staff or security at once.
• In the UK, Samaritans can be called free on 116 123, day or night, 365 days a year.
• In Abu Dhabi, the Department of Health activated a 24/7 bilingual mental health support line, 800-SAKINA (800 725462), in March 2026.
• Help is available and people do recover. Reaching out is the right thing to do, even if it feels like breaking trust.