Healthy coping versus unhealthy coping

Everyone copes with stress somehow. The question is whether your way of coping helps you in the long run or just makes you feel better for an hour and worse afterwards.

Two jobs of coping: solving and soothing

• The NHS advises focusing your energy on what you can change. Mind adds that accepting what you cannot change frees up energy for what you can.
• Solving is for problems you can act on: NHS Every Mind Matters suggests splitting big tasks into smaller chunks and planning ahead for stressful days with a to-do list.
• Soothing is for feelings and situations you cannot change right now, such as waiting for results or a family illness. Here the goal is to calm your body and mind.
• Most situations need a bit of both. If an exam is next week, revise (solve) and also do a breathing exercise before bed (soothe).

A healthy coping toolkit

• Breathing (NHS): breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, counting steadily from 1 to 5 on each breath, for at least 5 minutes.
• Move: the CDC suggests starting small and building up to 2.5 hours a week, for example 20 to 30 minutes a day. NHS Every Mind Matters says activity helps burn off nervous energy.
• Talk: reach out to friends, family or a trusted adult. The NHS lists talking as one of its first self-help steps for stress.
• Write: the CDC suggests journaling and writing down specific things you are grateful for. Every Mind Matters suggests listing 3 things you are thankful for each day.
• Step away: the CDC advises taking breaks from news and social media. YoungMinds suggests a short walk, music, tidying your space, a call with a friend or time in nature.
• Keep the basics going: regular meals, water, washing and sleep, especially when you are struggling (YoungMinds).

Unhealthy coping to watch out for

• The NHS warns against using alcohol, cigarettes, gambling or drugs to cope, because they can make your mental health worse.
• The CDC also advises avoiding smoking and vaping, and never taking someone else's prescription medicine.
• Some habits are not harmful in small amounts but become a problem as escape routes, such as hours of scrolling or gaming to avoid a task. The NHS warns against things that feel good briefly but leave you feeling worse.
• Avoidance is the most common trap: dodging a task, a person or a conversation gives quick relief, but the problem grows and the stress returns (see the lesson on procrastination).
• Taking stress out on others, such as snapping at family or friends, is another sign your coping is not working well. The NHS lists irritability as a behavioural sign of stress.

How to tell the difference

• Ask three questions: Will this help in a day or a week, not just an hour? Does it hurt my health, relationships or studies? Would I be comfortable telling someone I trust about it?
• Healthy coping usually takes a little effort at first and leaves you calmer or more capable afterwards.
• Unhealthy coping usually feels easy or exciting at first and leaves you with regret, a bigger problem or a stronger urge to do it again.
• If you notice an unhealthy pattern, do not just try to stop it: replace it. For example, swap the first 20 minutes of scrolling after school with a walk or a call.

When self-care is not enough

• YoungMinds is clear that self-care is important but cannot fix everything, and it is not a replacement for getting help.
• The NHS suggests seeing a doctor if you are struggling to cope or your own efforts are not helping.
• At school, a counsellor or trusted teacher is a good first step. At university, student services and wellbeing teams are there for this.
• If you or someone else is in immediate danger in the UAE, call 999 (police) or 998 (ambulance). The Mental Health module has more on where to find help.