Building resilience

Resilience is not about never struggling or always being strong. It is the ability to get through hard times and recover, and research shows it is built from relationships, habits and ways of thinking you can develop at any age.

What resilience is and is not

• Harvard's Center on the Developing Child defines resilience as the ability to overcome serious hardship, and says the capabilities behind it can be strengthened at any age.
• Learning to cope with manageable stress is part of how resilience develops (Harvard). Avoiding every difficulty does not build it.
• Resilient people still feel sadness, worry and frustration. Resilience is about getting through hardship and recovering, not about feeling nothing.
• Resilience is not something you either have or do not have. It is more like a muscle, made stronger through small, repeated practice.

Connections: the foundation

• The first of the APA's 10 ways to build resilience is to make connections: lean on close relationships and accept help from people who care about you.
• Harvard's research highlights supportive relationships as central to resilience, alongside actively building skills.
• The APA notes that local or faith-based groups can help, and that helping others can benefit you too.
• Mind suggests telling friends and family how you are feeling, and using tutors, student services or peer support when you are studying.
• Practical step: name three people you could call if something went wrong. If you struggle to name three, building connections is a good first goal.

Helpful ways of thinking

• Do not see crises as impossible to overcome. You cannot stop stressful events happening, but you can change how you interpret and respond to them (APA).
• Keep things in perspective: look at a painful event in the context of your whole life, not just this week (APA).
• Accept that change is part of life. Mind also suggests accepting what you cannot change so you can focus energy where it counts.
• Maintain a hopeful outlook: focus on what you want rather than what you fear (APA).
• Build confidence in your ability to solve problems. Remind yourself of past difficulties you got through: you have more evidence of your own resilience than you think.

Taking action

• Set realistic goals and take small, regular steps. The APA suggests asking: 'What is one thing I can accomplish today that moves me in the direction I want to go?'
• Act on problems rather than withdrawing and hoping they disappear (APA). For example, if you are falling behind in a subject, email the teacher this week rather than waiting.
• Mind suggests breaking pressures down: identify your triggers, prioritise tasks, set smaller goals and avoid taking on too much at once.
• Each small success builds belief that you can handle the next challenge.

Looking after yourself

• The APA lists taking care of yourself as a core part of resilience: paying attention to your needs and feelings, doing things you enjoy and exercising regularly.
• Mind recommends rewarding your achievements however small, developing hobbies and spending time in nature or with animals.
• Sleep, physical activity and balanced food all matter. Mind notes that small changes help.
• The APA notes that some people find writing about difficult experiences, meditation or spiritual practices helpful. The key is to find what works for you.

Finding meaning and growth

• The APA notes that people often learn something about themselves after a struggle, and many report better relationships, a greater sense of strength and more appreciation for life.
• The NHS suggests finding meaning in difficult times and expressing hard experiences through creative outlets like writing, painting or singing.
• Growth after hardship is possible but not compulsory. You do not have to find a silver lining in everything, especially while you are still hurting.
• Resilience includes knowing when to ask for professional help. Seeking support is a resilient choice, not a failure.