What values are and finding your own

Values are the quiet compass behind your choices: what you study, who you spend time with, how you treat people when nobody is watching. Knowing yours makes big decisions easier and small ones more consistent.

What values actually are

• Mind Tools defines values as the things you believe are important in the way you live and work. They shape your priorities and act as a check on whether your life is heading where you want it to.
• Values are different from goals. 'Get an A in maths' is a goal you can finish; 'learning' or 'excellence' is a value that keeps guiding you after the exam.
• Values are also different from rules. A rule says what to do; a value explains why it matters to you, which helps when no rule covers the situation.
• When your actions match your values you tend to feel settled and proud. When they clash, you often feel uneasy, even if you cannot say why at first.

Values people share across the world

• Psychologist Shalom Schwartz proposed ten basic values that people in all cultures recognise: self-direction, stimulation, hedonism (enjoyment), achievement, power, security, conformity, tradition, benevolence and universalism.
• His model has been supported in studies across more than 80 countries. Benevolence means caring for the people close to you; universalism means understanding, tolerance and protection for all people and for nature.
• Some values pull against each other. In the model, benevolence and power often conflict, while conformity and security tend to go together.
• Some values are shared almost everywhere. Philosopher Simon Blackburn notes that a version of the Golden Rule, treat others as you would want to be treated, can be found in almost every ethical tradition, religious and secular.
• This means having values is not about picking the 'right' list. It is about knowing which ones come first for you when they collide.

A values exercise in six steps

• Step 1: write down your happiest moments, at school, at home or with friends. What were you doing and who was with you?
• Step 2: write down your proudest moments. Why were you proud, and did others share that pride?
• Step 3: write down your most fulfilling moments. What need was met, and why did it feel meaningful?
• Step 4: from these memories, choose about 10 values (for example fairness, family, creativity, faith, growth, loyalty, adventure). Merge ones that overlap, such as generosity and community becoming 'service to others'.
• Step 5: rank them. Compare pairs and ask: if I could only honour one, which would I keep? Picture a realistic trade-off, such as studying close to family versus moving abroad for a dream course.
• Step 6: check your top three. Would you be proud to say them to people you respect? Would you still hold them if they were unpopular?

Turning a word into a guide

• For each of your top values, write one or two sentences in your own words about what it means and why it matters to you. Mind Tools suggests keeping these short so you can recall them when you face a decision.
• Example: 'Family: I make time for the people who raised me, even when I am busy, because they showed up for me.'
• Example: 'Honesty: I would rather give an uncomfortable truth kindly than a comfortable lie.'
• Revisit the list once a year. Values usually stay fairly stable, but their order can shift as you move from school to university and work.

Using your values day to day

• Before a big choice (subjects, university, a part-time job), ask: which option lets me live my top three values more fully?
• When you feel uneasy about something you agreed to, check whether it clashes with one of your values. That often explains the feeling.
• Notice that the people you admire most probably share at least one of your top values. That is a useful clue when choosing friends and role models.