Peer pressure and staying true to your values

New freedom is exciting, and it also means nobody else is setting your limits. Deciding your values in advance, having words ready and choosing good company make it much easier to stay yourself.

Why it is harder away from home

• At home, family routines, community and familiar expectations quietly support your choices. At university, you choose everything yourself.
• Childline describes peer pressure as feeling you have to do something because people around you want or expect you to. It can be about drinking, smoking or drugs, appearance, bullying or risky behaviour.
• Pressure can also be subtle: jokes, being left out of plans, or simply everyone else doing something.
• Pressure can come from any direction, including people in your own community pushing you to be more or less religious than you choose to be. Your choices are yours.

Decide in advance

• Write down your three to five non-negotiables before you arrive, for example: 'I don't drink', 'I pray on time', 'I don't cheat'. Values you have written down are easier to keep.
• Then write what you are happy to do: 'I'll come to the bar for an hour with a soft drink', 'I'll go to the party until 11'. Clear limits help you say yes to the good parts of social life.
• Think through common situations: a flat party, a birthday dinner at a venue serving alcohol, a dare, being offered something in a club. Decide your response now, not in the moment.
• The Alcohol, Drugs, Vaping and Gambling module covers the facts and laws behind many of these choices.

Words ready to use

• Childline's advice: be assertive, practise saying no, and remember you do not need to explain yourself.
• Simple scripts: 'No thanks, I'm good.' 'Not for me, but I'll grab a juice.' 'I don't, but you go ahead.'
• If saying no directly feels hard, Childline suggests giving an excuse (such as needing to get home) or suggesting something else to do.
• Leaving is always allowed. Childline advises leaving a situation if you feel uncomfortable.
• Say it once, calmly, then change the subject. Repeating the same short answer works better than arguing.

Choose your company

• Childline notes it is easier to say no with friends who share your values. Find at least one or two people early who understand your choices.
• Faith societies, alcohol-free socials, sport and volunteering are good places to meet them (see the Building a Social Life module).
• Good friends respect your limits. If a group repeatedly mocks or pressures you, it may be the wrong group, and Childline reminds you that being pressured is not your fault.
• Stand up for others being pressured when it is safe to do so (Childline).

If you slip

• Most people make choices they regret at some point. One mistake does not erase your values.
• Reflect honestly: what led to it, and what would you do differently next time?
• Talk to someone you trust, such as a chaplain, faith leader, mentor or friend. Chaplains offer confidential, non-judgemental listening.
• If a choice has put you at risk (for example to your health or safety), get practical help first: university wellbeing services, a doctor or, in an emergency, emergency services.