Preparing emotionally before you go

Most preparation for university is about grades, forms and packing. Emotional preparation gets less attention, yet it is what helps you through the harder weeks. A few honest conversations and a little planning now can make a real difference.

Why emotional preparation matters

• The Jed Foundation's Set to Go programme reports that 60 percent of first-year college students in its US survey wished they had received more help with emotional preparation.
• In the same survey, 87 percent said their college preparation focused more on academics than on emotional readiness.
• Leaving home often means your usual support network is further away for a while, so building a new one is part of the plan.
• If you already get support for your health or wellbeing, find out before you leave how it will continue while you study, and tell your university early. Mind stresses that you cannot access support your university does not know you need.
• Emotional preparation is not about expecting the worst. It is about having a plan, so a hard day stays just a hard day.

Set realistic expectations

• Bangor University lists the anti-climax of arriving and expectations not being met among the things that can trigger homesickness, so realistic expectations protect you.
• Expect that you might not meet your closest friends in week one. UCAS quotes a student's advice: 'if you don't click with people straightaway, give it time.'
• Expect some boring evenings, some awkward conversations and some days when nothing goes to plan. That is ordinary life, not failure.
• Social media will show other people's best moments. UCAS warns that curated posts can make you feel low or left out.

Conversations to have with your family before you leave

• How often you will talk, and how: UKCISA warns that very frequent contact, especially early on, can make settling in harder, while Bangor says the right amount differs from person to person. Agree a starting pattern and review it after a month.
• When you will next visit: UKCISA suggests visiting home once or twice a term at most, and UCAS says booking a trip home in advance can relieve pressure and lift your spirits.
• What worries each of you: say your worries out loud and ask about theirs. Parents often worry about safety, money and health; you may worry about letting them down.
• Health and privacy: in the US, the Jed Foundation notes that health privacy laws stop parents seeing a student's health and academic records after age 18 without the student's permission. Decide together what you are happy to share and who should be contacted in an emergency.
• A script you could use: 'I am excited and a bit nervous. Can we agree to call every Sunday, and can I tell you if I need more or less contact once I have settled?'

Saying goodbye well

• Make a short goodbye list: the people you want to see, what you want to say and anything you want to give back or return.
• Leave time for goodbyes that are not rushed into the last day, when packing and nerves take over.
• Deakin lists guilt about leaving people behind as a common feeling. Saying clearly how much people mean to you can ease that guilt for both sides.
• Deakin also suggests staying connected with your home community. Tell friends how they can reach you and when you are usually free.
• Give younger siblings or grandparents something concrete to look forward to, such as a weekly voice note or a postcard.

Pack for your heart, not only your room

• Dundee suggests bringing familiar items, such as cushions from your bedroom or a crockery set from your kitchen.
• UKCISA suggests personal objects such as photos or ornaments, and finding familiar food through a student adviser or society.
• Consider a small taste of home that is allowed in your luggage and fits the destination's import rules, such as dates, coffee or a favourite spice mix. Check the rules first (see the Getting Around module).
• Save recordings, family recipes and photos on your phone so they are there on a quiet evening.

Find your support before you need it

• Mind advises setting up support while things are going well, so it is easier to ask later.
• UCAS says most universities run moderated social media groups for new students, so you can meet flatmates and coursemates before you arrive.
• UKCISA points international students to orientation programmes, the International Office, hall wardens and the health and counselling services.
• Before you leave, write down the name and contact details of your university's wellbeing or counselling service and your personal tutor once you know who it is.
• Save the UAE emergency and support numbers listed in lesson 8 of this module, for times when you are home.