Judgements and emotions: it is not things but our opinions

One of the best-known lines in Stoicism says we are upset less by events than by what we tell ourselves about them. This lesson explains the idea, its link to modern therapy, and how to use it without pretending you feel nothing.

What Epictetus actually said

• Enchiridion 5 (George Long's translation): "Men are disturbed not by the things which happen, but by the opinions about the things."
• He continues that when we are impeded, disturbed or grieved, we should "never blame others, but ourselves, that is, our opinions."
• Marcus Aurelius makes the same point in Meditations 4.7: "Take away thy opinion, and then there is taken away the complaint, 'I have been harmed.'"
• 'Opinion' here means the judgement you add: 'this is a disaster', 'they did that to humiliate me', 'I am useless'.

Impressions, assent and the first jolt

• The IEP explains that the Stoics saw strong passions as judgements: you give 'assent' to an 'impression' of how things are.
• They also recognised involuntary reactions that come before you have agreed or disagreed with the impression, such as a jump of the heart or a flush of embarrassment.
• So the first jolt is natural and not a failure. The Stoic skill is in what you do next: whether you accept the story that comes with it.
• In Elizabeth Carter's translation of Enchiridion 20, Epictetus advises trying first not to be carried away by the appearance, and gaining time before you react.

The link to cognitive behavioural therapy

• The NHS describes cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) as a type of talking therapy where a therapist helps you change how you think and act. It is a recommended treatment for many problems, including depression and anxiety.
• Psychologist Albert Ellis, who created Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy, wrote that this principle was 'originally discovered and stated by the ancient Stoic philosophers', and he quoted the Enchiridion (Donald Robertson, History News Network).
• Aaron T. Beck, the founder of cognitive therapy, quoted Marcus Aurelius in his first book on the subject, according to the same article.
• The IEP notes that the modern Stoicism movement traces some of its roots to early CBT, naming Albert Ellis, but stresses that Stoicism is a philosophy, not a therapy.
• So Stoic exercises can support everyday resilience, but they are not a replacement for CBT with a trained professional.

A three-column reset

• Column 1, what happened (facts only): 'My friend read my message and did not reply.'
• Column 2, my judgement: 'She is ignoring me because she is annoyed with me.'
• Column 3, other possible judgements: 'She is busy, tired, at a family event, or forgot. I do not know yet.'
• Then ask: which judgement fits the evidence, and which one helps me act well? Often the answer is 'I will ask her kindly tomorrow.'
• This does not mean every upsetting thought is wrong. Sometimes the facts really are bad. The exercise is about seeing them clearly.

What this idea does not mean

• It does not mean 'it is your fault you feel hurt'. It means you have some say in what story you add.
• It does not mean real injustice is fine. A Stoic can judge that something is wrong and act calmly to change it.
• It does not mean hiding your feelings. Noticing and naming what you feel is the first step to judging it well (see the Understanding Your Emotions module).