Stoicism done right: myths, faith and knowing when to get help

Stoicism is popular online, and some of what is shared is simply wrong. This lesson clears up the biggest myths, explains how Stoic ideas can sit respectfully alongside faith, and is clear about when 'toughing it out' is the wrong tool.

stoic versus Stoic

• In everyday English, 'stoicism' means 'the fact of not complaining or showing what you are feeling when you are suffering' (Oxford Learner's Dictionaries).
• The IEP distinguishes this everyday 'stoic', the stiff upper lip, from the philosophy of Stoicism.
• The IEP calls it 'grossly incorrect' to say the Stoics wanted a life without emotion or the suppression of emotion. Their 'apatheia' is better understood as equanimity, a steady calm that comes from living well.
• The Stoics also valued healthy emotions, which the IEP lists as discretion, willing and delight (joy in what is good).

Other common myths

• Myth: 'Stoics do not care about other people.' Fact: justice is one of the four virtues, and the Stoics described a widening circle of concern for family, community and all humanity (IEP).
• Myth: 'Stoicism means accepting everything passively.' Fact: your own actions are in your power (Enchiridion 1), so Stoicism pushes you to act well where you can.
• Myth: 'Stoicism is about being tough, rich or winning.' Fact: the Stoics held virtue to be the only true good, and wealth only a 'preferred indifferent' (IEP).
• Myth: 'A true Stoic never changes their mind.' Fact: Marcus Aurelius wrote, "If any man is able to convince me and show me that I do not think or act right, I will gladly change" (Meditations 6.21, Long).

Stoicism alongside faith and other traditions

• Stoicism is a philosophy. The ancient Stoics had their own beliefs about God and the universe: the IEP describes God, in their view, as the rational principle embedded in the universe itself, and Marcus Aurelius leaned towards belief in a kind Providence while keeping the question open.
• These ancient beliefs are not the same as those of Islam, Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism or other faiths, and this module does not ask you to adopt them.
• Many people use Stoic exercises, such as the evening review or the control check, as practical tools while keeping their own faith and values.
• Patience, self-control, gratitude and justice are valued in many religious and ethical traditions. If your faith already gives you guidance on these, Stoicism can be a complement, never a replacement.
• Talk with your family or a faith teacher if you are unsure how a particular idea fits with your beliefs.

When 'toughing it out' is the wrong tool

• The NHS says a low mood that lasts 2 weeks or more could be a sign of depression, and advises seeing a doctor if it lasts more than 2 weeks, if you are struggling to cope, or if things you try yourself are not helping.
• Stoic exercises are not treatment. CBT is a talking therapy delivered by a trained therapist (NHS).
• Asking for help is not un-Stoic. It is practical wisdom (knowing what you need) and courage (taking the step).
• In the UAE: 999 for police and 998 for ambulance in an emergency (u.ae). 800-SAKINA (800 725462) is a 24/7 mental health support line in Arabic and English for the Abu Dhabi community, run by the Sakina network (SEHA) with the Department of Health Abu Dhabi.
• For more support routes in the UAE and abroad, see the Mental Health: Knowing When and How to Get Help module.

Building your own Stoic toolkit

• Choose two practices from this module that suit you, for example the control check and the evening review.
• Use them for a month, then keep what helps and drop what does not. Stoicism is a toolkit, not a test.
• Share what you learn kindly. Nobody likes being lectured, and the Stoics would remind you to work on yourself first.