Empathy and understanding others

Empathy is the ability to sense and understand what someone else is feeling. It makes you a better friend, teammate and future colleague, and it is a skill you can grow, not a fixed trait.

Two kinds of empathy

• The Greater Good Science Center describes empathy as 'the ability to sense other people's emotions' and imagine what they might be thinking or feeling.
• Affective empathy is feeling something in response to someone else's emotions, such as feeling tense when a friend is scared.
• Cognitive empathy, or perspective taking, is understanding what someone else feels and why, even if you do not feel it yourself.
• Both matter. Too much affective empathy without boundaries can leave you drained, while cognitive empathy alone can feel cold. Aim for understanding plus care.

Why empathy matters

• Greater Good reports that empathy is linked to more helpfulness, less prejudice, less bullying and aggression and better outcomes in workplaces and healthcare.
• It helps relationships by improving your understanding of other people's needs and intentions.
• Empathy is often the first step towards kindness, though feeling it does not automatically lead to helping. You still have to act.
• Studies suggest people can strengthen (or weaken) their natural empathy, so practice matters.

Reading others: be careful with faces

• A major 2019 review led by Lisa Feldman Barrett found that facial movements do not reliably reveal specific emotions on their own. A smile, for example, does not always mean someone is happy.
• Expressions vary by culture and situation. In a diverse place like the UAE, or at university abroad, the same face or gesture can mean different things.
• Read the whole picture: what is happening, what the person says, their tone and what you know about them.
• When unsure, ask gently instead of guessing: 'You seem quiet today, is everything okay?'

Listening with empathy

• Roman Krznaric's 'six habits of highly empathic people' include listening hard to understand another person's feelings and needs, and being willing to open up yourself.
• Put your phone away and give full attention. Let the person finish without planning your reply.
• Reflect what you hear: 'It sounds like you felt embarrassed when that happened.' This shows you understood and lets them correct you.
• Resist jumping straight to advice or comparing with your own story. Ask: 'Do you want ideas, or do you just need to vent?'
• Validate without necessarily agreeing: 'That makes sense that you'd be upset' does not mean you think they were right about everything.

Stretching your empathy

• Krznaric suggests cultivating curiosity about strangers, for example aiming for one real conversation each week with someone outside your usual circle.
• Look for what you share with people who seem different, rather than what divides you.
• Read novels, memoirs and watch films about lives very different from yours; Barrett also suggests this to widen your emotional understanding.
• Try to understand people you disagree with. Understanding a view is not the same as accepting it.