Naming your emotions

Saying 'I feel bad' gives your brain very little to work with. Learning to name exactly what you feel, from 'disappointed' to 'left out' to 'overwhelmed', is one of the simplest and best-supported emotional skills you can build.

Why putting feelings into words helps

• In a 2007 UCLA brain-imaging study led by Matthew Lieberman, 30 adults looked at pictures of emotional faces and either chose an emotion word (such as 'angry') or a name (such as 'Harry') to match each face.
• When people labelled the emotion, activity in the amygdala (part of the brain's alarm system) went down, and a region of the prefrontal cortex linked to putting feelings into words became more active.
• The researchers suggest this acts like a brake on emotional reactions, which may help explain why talking or journaling about feelings can help.
• You may hear this summed up as 'name it to tame it'. Naming a feeling does not make it vanish, but it can take some of the heat out of it.

Emotional granularity: being precise

• Psychologists call the ability to make fine distinctions between feelings 'emotional granularity'.
• Barrett notes that for some people 'anger, sadness, and fear are all synonyms for I feel unpleasant or bad'. A more precise word points to a more precise cause and a better response.
• People with higher granularity cope better with stress and are less likely to rely on alcohol to manage emotions, according to Barrett.
• A 2021 study by Hoemann, Barrett and Quigley found that simply reporting emotions several times a day over a period increased granularity in healthy adults, so this is a skill you can train.

Using a feelings wheel

• Psychologist Gloria Willcox created the original feelings wheel in 1982 to help people identify and express difficult emotions, as Cleveland Clinic explains.
• It has rings: broad feelings like 'happy' or 'sad' in the centre, more specific ones like 'lonely' or 'playful' in the middle, and very specific words like 'inadequate' or 'amused' on the outside.
• Step 1: start in the centre and pick the broad feeling that fits. Step 2: move outwards to find the most accurate word. Step 3: notice where you feel it in your body, such as a clenched jaw or trembling hands.
• You can feel more than one emotion at once. You might be proud and nervous about starting university, or relieved and sad when a friend moves away.
• Keep a wheel saved on your phone or printed inside a notebook so it is there when you need it. Mind also offers a free downloadable emotion wheel.

Building your emotional vocabulary

• Instead of 'angry', try: irritated, frustrated, resentful, betrayed, jealous, humiliated.
• Instead of 'sad', try: disappointed, lonely, homesick, hurt, left out, grieving.
• Instead of 'stressed', try: overwhelmed, pressured, anxious, unprepared, rushed.
• Instead of 'happy', try: proud, content, grateful, excited, relieved, included.
• Barrett suggests learning new emotion words, reading books or watching films about unfamiliar experiences and meeting people from other cultures. If you speak Arabic and English, notice feelings one language has a better word for.

Naming feelings to other people

• Use a simple pattern: 'I feel [precise word] because [situation].' For example: 'I feel left out because the group planned the trip without me.'
• A precise word helps the other person understand what you need. 'I'm overwhelmed' invites help with tasks; 'I'm hurt' invites an apology or a conversation.
• If you are unsure, say so: 'I'm not sure what I'm feeling yet, I think it's somewhere between annoyed and disappointed.'
• You do not have to share every feeling with everyone. Naming it privately in a journal still counts.