Etiquette · Lesson 9 of 21 · 14 min

Eating well at the table

Beyond the cutlery, table manners are about pace, sharing and attention to the people around you.

Before you eat

Wait until everyone is served and the host starts or invites you to begin. At a buffet, you may start once you sit down with your food.
Taste your food before adding salt or pepper.
Sit up straight. No elbows on the table while eating (Emily Post allows them between courses; Debrett's keeps the rule firm).

Do not reach across people; ask for things to be passed.
Pass dishes anticlockwise (to the right). If the person on your left asks, you may hand it straight to them.
Pass salt and pepper together, even if only one was asked for.
Never take the last portion without offering it to others first.

Break off one bite-sized piece, butter it, eat it, then break the next. Never butter a whole roll or bite into it.
Take butter from the shared dish onto your side plate first, then butter your bread from there.

Spoon away from you, from the front of the bowl to the back.
Sip from the side of the spoon, about three quarters full. Do not blow on it or slurp.
Tilt the bowl away from you for the last spoonfuls.

Chew with your mouth closed and do not speak with food in your mouth.
Keep pace with others; do not race ahead or lag far behind.
No grooming at the table: hair, make-up and toothpicks belong in the restroom.
Phones silent and out of sight. If a call is essential, excuse yourself and step away.
To leave the table during the meal, say 'Excuse me' quietly; no explanation needed.

The host gives the first toast; the person proposing stands, everyone else stays seated.
Any drink is fine to toast with, including water or juice. A sip is enough.
If you are the one being toasted, do not drink; smile and say thank you.

Tick each one off when you have done it.

Host a family dinner where everyone's phone goes in a basket. Notice the difference in conversation.
Practise the bread rule and the soup spoon direction at your next meal.
Give a short, warm toast at a family occasion (with juice or water).

1. When should you start eating at a seated dinner?

2. Someone asks for the salt. You pass:

3. How do you eat a bread roll?

4. Which way do you move a soup spoon?

5. You are being toasted at your birthday dinner. What do you do?