Why etiquette matters

Etiquette is not about being stiff or snobbish. It is a shared set of signals that tell people you respect them, you are paying attention and you can be trusted in any room. The people who do it best make everyone else feel comfortable.

What etiquette really is

• Respect: treating every person, from a waiter to a minister, with the same basic courtesy.
• Consideration: noticing how your actions affect people around you (noise, space, time).
• Honesty: being sincere, not putting on a show. Good manners are quiet, never showy.
• Rules change between countries and occasions; these three principles do not. When you do not know the rule, fall back on them.

Why it matters at 15 to 19

• University interviews, internships and first jobs all involve meals, introductions and emails where people judge you quickly.
• Moving abroad or between cultures means you will meet customs you do not know. A respectful attitude covers most gaps.
• Confidence: knowing what to do with a napkin, a handshake or an awkward silence frees your mind to focus on people.

The golden rule of etiquette

• Never correct someone else's manners in public. Making someone feel small is worse manners than the mistake itself.
• If a host does something differently from what you learned, follow the host.
• It is better to try and get a detail wrong (for example, an introduction in the wrong order) than to do nothing at all.